Dating in your thirties
IF YOU are a single man or woman in your thirties, then I'd bet good money that someone has said at least one of the following to you by now: Don't get left on the shelf, don't settle, your biological clock is ticking, you can't 'have it all', don't you want to get married? Are you scared of commitment? What if all the good ones are taken? Or, my personal favourite, What's wrong with you?
12 Tips for Dating in Your 30s (and Loving It)
Dating has always been an odd experience. There are rules, but nobody knows them. There are special codes, but nobody has a cipher. Yet, somehow, unless you're in your 20s, things are weirder than they've ever been. I've always felt dating was a weird experience in general, but somehow, coming back to it in the last few years feels different. I was married for several years in my late 20s, so I missed out on the earlier days of online dating sites.
It was also a much more carefree time, when if you liked someone, that was enough. But now that I'm in my 30s, the rules and expectations are completely different—making it a lot harder to get back in the game. Right now, you have billions of other human beings at your fingertips through a variety of channels. As always, you can hit up bars, clubs, and shows. You can venture off to parties and barbecues. You can also go online and have access to loads of single people in your area.
It's a far cry from even high school, when your dating pool was largely pretty much your friends and their friends. Online dating gives you more options than ever. Not just in people, but in sources. From there, you can sort through humans with enough filters to make Amazon jealous, then randomly spit out a message to them that ends up coming across the exact same as the "do you like me?
These unlimited options are great at first, but just like any decision, the sheer amount of choice ends up weighing on you. You nit pick. You wonder if their affection for Vampire Weekend would end up getting annoying. You question their odd use of Billy Madison quotes. You're paralyzed by both an abundance of choice and a fear that something better is out there because "good enough" isn't good enough.
In the past, I met people through a larger community and that was enough. Now that the community is even bigger, it's hard to make choices about who to even talk to, let alone see in person. Plus, with online dating, everyone's so preoccupied with how good you are "on paper", which means very little. An algorithm can predict whether you'll get along well enough to hold a conversation, but it can't predict whether you'll like each other, so people get frustrated. Those match percentages and pre-date emails create an expectation that's often impossible to live up to.
That algorithm ensures you won't want to slit each other's throats usually , but you can't guarantee that shared political beliefs or a preference about your favorite cereal will create a spark. I found online dating hard to keep up with in general. I was disappointed when a well-placed pun fell on deaf ears and generally annoyed by the flakiness of people online.
I had a handful of great dates and met some nice people, but I wasted too much of my day to get there. It's basically a full-time job, so make sure you're invested in the whole idea , and don't overdo it. Delete the apps from your phone, deactivate your account now and again, and give the whole thing a break if it's not clicking for you. I met plenty of great people and found some cool bars , but it was an empty experience. When you're in your 20s, deal breakers tend to be pretty superficial.
It might boil down to what music they like, a dumb haircut, or a subtly annoying nervous tick. Once you hit your 30s, these things change. Some deal breakers are just as superficial, but people have added much heavier ones, too. In my experience, first or second date conversations already started hitting into the hard questions of children, career, home ownership, and marriage. The older you get, the less time you have, and the less time you feel like wasting on someone who doesn't have the same goals as you.
Still, I was pretty surprised at how quickly these conversations came about. It's not good or bad, but if you haven't come to conclusions about these types of things, do it before you venture out into the dating scene. Of course, the superficial deal breakers are still there, hiding the deeper ones beneath the surface.
I polled random people over the last few weeks, and found pretty low expectations in general. Several people of both genders mentioned deal breakers like, "they can't be a slob," "they need a fulfilling career or at least a hobby they enjoy," or "they can't live in a house with more than one other roommate. But the most surprising deal breaker? The one that nearly every person I talked with mentioned? Want to stop seeing someone? Want to ask someone out? Just say it without being a creep, of course.
When you're in your 20s, it's all about the game, but the game changes the second you hit Nobody wants to waste time beating around the bush, so if you want to ask someone out, just do it. If you want to stop seeing someone, tell them right away. Likewise, the old "three day" or "five day" or whatever-day rule of asking someone out again is out the window at this age. If you enjoy someone's company, ask them out again whenever you want.
Chances are, the two of you will split hairs over scheduling conflicts for a while before you settle on a date anyway. For that same reason, things seem to move a lot faster after your 20s. Gone are the days of months and months before that dreaded exclusivity conversation pops up. In my experience, it happens a lot sooner if you're seeing someone frequently, so if you're not prepared for it, back away early. Dating is weird no matter how or when you approach it.
But if you're coming back to it in after some time off, I have a few suggestions based on my experiences:. None of this stuff is good or bad, but it is awfully different from what I remember the last time I went through the whole dating thing. Whether you're returning to the dating game after being sidelined for a while or you're just rolling along solo into middle age, prepare yourself for some confusing times.
There's certainly an adjustment period, so don't be surprised if you fall flat on your face a few times before you get the hang of things. The A. Thorin Klosowski. Filed to: Share This Story. The Root The Grapevine. Share Tweet. Kinja is in read-only mode. We are working to restore service.
There is a big difference between dating in your 20s and dating in your 30s. Here are 12 tips to navigate the scene from someone who knows. Being single in your 30s can be challenging, but it's also one of the best times in your life to date. Here's how to make the most of dating in your 30s.
The best gossip, the deep chats… SO many of the conversations are centred around love, sex, and dating - no matter how ill-fated our exploits are at that age. And boy, are they?! The truth is though, not everyone is actually dating that young.
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But, perhaps the most common concern among those looking for love in their 30s is the amount of baggage people come with. The Independent's Millennial Love group is the best place to discuss to the highs and lows of modern dating and relationships. Join the conversation here.
11 Things No One Tells You About Dating In Your 30s
When the show debuted in , I was 17, and it ran for six seasons. Now when I watch it, as a single woman in her 30s, it hits a little closer to home. I identify with the characters and their struggles so much more than I did before. Because dating in your 30s is very different from dating in your 20s. The number of single friends is dwindling, so there is also more pressure to be coupled up.
Dating In Your Twenties Vs. Dating In Your Thirties
A new series that explores what it's really like to be single in your 30s and NGAF. Honestly there are slot machines in Vegas looking at the online dating odds right now and finding them unfair. Skip navigation! Story from Online Dating. Shani Silver. But everybody wants to put me down. We hear stories over drinks , mothers text us anecdotes from their bank teller, we read them in the New York Times. A woman went on her very first Tinder date and met her husband. I think I speak for the single female population over the age of 30 when I say: Obviously I want women, literally all women, to find whatever happiness they desire.
Once you reach 30, you've officially achieved grown-ass woman status. Woop, woop!
It can be tough to meet potential partners when you're in your 30s! You probably have less free time, or maybe you just aren't sure where to meet other single people in your age group.
30 Truths About Dating in Your Thirties
We've come a long way since Carrie Bradshaw and her squad complained about how there were officially no elligible guys willing to date a woman in her thirties over brunch on Sex and the City. While there are a few kinks literally and figuratively that come with dating after your twenties, it also has its perks. You can still be amazing and not be in a serious romantic relationship. Can somebody please notify the Aunt Megs of the world? Spice up your sex life with these bedside table essentials from the Women's Health Boutique. We are pretty much fully formed by our fourth decade on the planet. So even though you know you want a serious relationship , the thought of sharing your bathroom or your late-night snacking habits with another person can be terrifying. Hands off my Flaming Hot Cheetos, boy. Having said that, old habits die hard, and people can be a little less malleable see 2. That makes them a way better potential partner who doesn't need all that breaking in.
Dating in your 30s: bring lasting love into your life
I avoid cliches like posing with sedated tigers, and I send messages tailored to shared interests. I get some responses but these fizzle, presumably in favor of better options. My sympathies on the end of your long relationship. Whether you ended the relationship, or your partner ended it, or you both simultaneously decided to end things in the most amicable way possible, that is a huge change in your life! So before you start making self-judgments about where you stand in the league of dating, consider that you might need to take a bit more time to get used to the huge change before you can approach the possibility of meeting someone new with an optimistic outlook. If the last time you were single was more than a decade ago, then it sounds like you might want to take some more time to yourself. If part of that is pajamas and video games, then enjoy that stage I love a good pajama.
Dating in your 30s can be challenging, especially when it feels like all your friends are settling down. It can be difficult to date in your 30s, especially when it seems like everyone around you is pairing off and starting families. But your 30s are actually one of the best times of your life to be single and dating. Here are a few things to help you make the most of dating in your 30s:. Your 30s are the perfect time to be dating. Nothing would be worse than scaring off a great person because you came across too intense, too soon.
AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. Your 30s are certainly not the dating wasteland that popular culture makes them out to be, but dating in your 30s does require some deliberation and effort. For whatever reason, maybe you didn't spend your 20s submerged in the dating scene — perhaps you were focusing on your career instead, or moving around a lot, or dating simply wasn't a priority during your wild, youthful partying days. Now you've past the big mark, though, and you've decided to dip your toe into the dating waters. But it's so different to how you thought it would be — everything's online now, you're confused about whether you should hit on women in public or not, and there are new rules and codes governing every aspect of dating. It's hard to know where to even start. Well, don't worry — we're here to walk you through how to meet women when you're in your 30s, and it's not as hard as you think.
So we asked real women to contribute their thoughts. Read on to hear advice, commiseration, and encouragement. The biggest difference from dating in my 20s from dating in my 30s is how secure I feel with myself. In my 20s, I was still unsure of what I wanted and who I was. It was a time of trying new things and exploring. Now at 30, I feel solid in my personality — my quirks, my flaws, and my strengths. Learning how to be alone has actually really helped me learn how to be a better friend and partner.
However, I was just blinded by the possibility that he might change his mind. So here I am, almost one year or is it two? Yea, okay mom. Let me just go out and get knocked up so that you can have more grand babies. Although she does have one thing right — if I did have kids, I would just bring them home.5 Things You Can Expect In Your 30s, According To Science