Gay dating in singapore

Gay dating in singapore

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Singapore Gay Personals

This is a 3-part series about relationships among gay men in Singapore. I was talking to a year old guy today. He had just broken off from his relationship of 3 weeks, and he said that at one point, he was thinking about committing suicide. When I was young, I had similar experiences — not the suicide though. So I thought that I could write about this, if it helps. But at that time, that would mean meeting them for the first time and becoming boyfriends instantly.

Sounds familiar? It has become a bit more complex now, as compared to my time. Some guys want to date good looking guys and be part of a good looking clique. There could be a variety of reasons — for example, you may find people of the same characteristics with you so that you can identify with one another. And so, some people might want to hang out with the so-called good looking guys, so that you might feel more acceptable within a community which you feel you might not yet find acceptable.

So, for some, they want to belong to the good looking clique because of the status it confers, for example. I will explain this further below. But there are many reasons, of course. Some guys might feel left out, and they might start judging these group of guys, or get upset with them. For some of you reading this, this makes the gay community sound superficial. First, it sounds like we only like to date people who are good looking. Second, it sounds like we only want to hang out with people who are good looking.

The reality is a lot more complex. There are many variations to gay relationships and friendships. The truth is guys are visual, so visual cues are necessarily used more frequently as key identifiers, and unfortunately, separators to define other groups of people. But visual cues are used among other identifiers, such as feeling comfortable with one another, a sense of humour, among others. But identifiers are used by any person — straight, gay, Chinese, Malay, man, woman etc — to make sense of one another, and this is not unique to gay people.

What perhaps makes it unique among the gay community is perhaps, how homogenous these cues have become. The main reasons why such cues become adopted at such a high frequency is because of the high intensity of interactions that gay people have with one another, especially in a cosmopolitan setting, like Singapore.

Also, there are only a few specific venues where we see a higher concentration of gay men come together. Plus with the high level of usage of the Internet and mobile applications, the speed at which these social cues and behaviors get seen and adopted by other gay people become very quick. S o, in short, because of the high population density of our city, gay people meet each other at such an intense pace and speed that they learn to think and behave from one another very quickly.

This also explains why it looks like many gay people dress up in the same way, or seemingly believe in the same ideas in the same way. Back to good looking guys who seemingly hang out together, if we are able to take a step back, we understand that visual cues are only one of many reasons that are used when people identify one another to be friends with.

There are gay people who come together because they can talk about the same things, who like to do the same things, such as going clubbing or going to watch a movie, for example. But why do we get upset when we see people whom we think are good looking hang out together? There are several reasons. I would explore a few here. There are, of course, other reasons. Being good looking is one identifier, out of many others, and because men are visual and visual identifiers necessarily get used more often because of their overtness, being good looking thus becomes alleviated to being a key identifier to define another person, because of the ease of identification.

And because of the intensity of how often we see each other, the idea of being good looking as an identifier which is seen as superior is spread very quickly, such that we adopt the idea that one needs to be good looking to be of worth. We need to be aware that we are comparing ourselves to the perceived conferred status, and not because of their looks.

Think about this a bit. But I digress. The purpose of this article is to discuss about relationships. Why did I go into a lengthy discussion on looks? Because for this particular story in finding love, when we are young and we see someone for the first time, if he is good looking, we want to be with him. And because of the above reasons, we might want to be with him because it might confer a status symbol, for example.

Also, we get to be attached to a good looking guy! In fact, sometimes, you even have to come out with things to talk to him, and rack your brains in doing so. The reason could be this — when we see someone for the first time, we want to get into a relationship with this person immediately because, actually, we could be lonely. We could be looking for the feeling of intimacy. We might want to feel loved, and not so much to love itself.

Then, we conjure up ideas in our mind about how I really love him because there is this connection — because he is the guy I want to be for the rest of my life, because I feel that he understands me etc. But does he? Is he really who he is, or are you imagining it? He has changed. Your understanding of him has changed.

And if you had never really known him then, you might or might not like what you are starting to see. First, we have to understand how we look for love. As said, we might go into a relationship because we are lonely. And so, when someone comes along, we hope he can do that. And so, we start imagining beautiful things about him which if we had just gotten to know him, are most probably not true about him — what are we doing here?

We have a notion of what a relationship that we hope for is, so we cancel the process of getting to know someone, by implanting what we want from that imaginary perfect person onto him, to replace the process of knowing him. In fact, it can be anyone! And that is why we go in and out and in and out of a relationship, one after another, because we keep going through this process of supplanting our ideals onto each person we meet.

Why do we keep getting attached and breaking off? Is it because we are not good enough? Why do I keep meeting the wrong guy? Am I not many to have a relationship? Do I not know how to love? And as explained, it could be because you are wanting to find someone to replace an inner emotional need inside you, more than looking to find someone and learning more about them.

So, we have to be be aware of this — do we feel an inner need inside us? A loneliness, a wanting to be loved? And many of us do. Truth is, we grow up being unclear about what it means to be gay, or what it means to like guys. We are unsure — when we have a relationship with another guy, what should we do? Is it like a straight relationship?

So as we learn to understand what other gay people and relationships are like, we make sense from by learning from the people we meet. Then, when we get to know more gay people, and start to date some of them, we realise that if they are meeting us for the first time, and when they decide to be together with us, then we think — oh, so this is what a gay relationship is like!

You meet a guy for the first time and then you immediately become attached! So, you learn from them! You start thinking that gay relationships cannot last. And so, we stop looking for relationships. We start just having sex, since, hey again, everyone is just having sex too! We become part of the community we criticize and we live with it. And we became disappointed with the community and with ourselves and we start to lose hope.

But wait! We have learnt from the people we meet and follow what they do, without reflecting on what it really means for us, and why we do certain things. We need to look into our lives, understand how it had been developing and how our beliefs and mindsets have developed from them — and whether we can, with this renewed understanding, do something about them. Part 2 can be found here. Part 3 can be found here.

I had wanted to write to share my experiences, so that others might not have to go through what I did to learn, and can hopefully find a way to become happier faster than I did. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email.

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This is a 3-part series about relationships among gay men in Singapore. I was talking to a year old guy today. He had just broken off from his relationship of 3 weeks, and he said that at one point, he was thinking about committing suicide.

I was watching the European Cup at a dingy bar in Singapore.

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Meet gays in Singapore

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On Wednesday March 21 , one of them, service officer Iskandar Jantan, was sentenced to three years and two months' jail with 12 strokes of the cane. The year-old pleaded guilty on Monday to robbing the year-old man who cannot be named due to a gag order. Iskandar's accomplice, Chong Ming Kar received the minimum sentence - three years behind bars with 12 strokes of the cane - on Oct 30 last year. Iskandar started chatting with the victim on Grindr on Aug 25, He and Chong, now 29, then pretended to be a Caucasian man to lure their victim out. Deputy Public Prosecutor Esther Tang said: At around When he arrived, Iskandar and Chong cornered him while posing as policemen. They asked to check his bag.

Same-sex sexual activity is illegal even if consensual and committed in private , and the Attorney-General has declared that prosecutions under Singapore's Section A occasionally still occur. No anti-discrimination protections exist for LGBT people.

Manage Subscriptions. Oogachaga, a Singapore-based counselling and personal development organisation for LGBTQ individuals, has launched a page dating guide for gay men. Available in print and online for download, Oogachaga's Gay Men Dating Survival Guid e is a dating manual that promises to offer "tons of useful, bite-sized information on courting protocol, sex and love. Of course, many people also do not know how to protect themselves physically and sexually, simply because men are often expected to know how to protect themselves.

Gay dating online singapore

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LGBT rights in Singapore

Based on the number of gay people I've met from Singapore I certain that you'll not encounter any problems. I believe there are gay nightclubs, restaurants and other establishments in Singapore. Have a fun trip! Just be yourselves and you'll be just fine. You'll have no problems at all. Although the law in SG say no-no Actually, the Gov has been thinking over this issue, but the society as a whole not willing to except such a law.

The timing of the listing is dependent on conditions in the international capital market and progress of approval from domestic and overseas regulators, Kunlun said in a public filing on the Shenzhen stock exchange on Wednesday. While the executive board has approved the listing plan, it still needs approval by the shareholder board. Kunlun bought a Grindr, which counts the US and Europe as its major user customer base, is one of three major businesses operated by Kunlun, contributing The other two main business units of Kunlun include mobile gaming platform GameArk and entertainment social platform Xianlai Entertainment.

This article has been archived and will not be updated. For the latest information about our programmes and initiatives, please refer to www. Homosexuality is the emotional, romantic and sexual attraction to someone of the same sex. Bisexuality is the attraction to both sexes. Many people think that homosexuality and heterosexuality are on opposite ends of the sexuality spectrum, with bisexuality in the middle. In reality, human sexuality is much more complex. For example, some guys might consider themselves as heterosexual but have homosexual attraction towards men.

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